It is uncomfortable to us because it appears to be upside down. To embrace the controversy of allowing a perfect God to approach us with the word, “accepted” in spite of all the thoughts that are hurled against Him, ourselves and His creation, is counter-intuitive.
It often appears to us that we owe Him something to make up for this lack of respect; the honor that is due. Often there is a stark tendency for us to cram the awfulness further down, swallowing it like a jagged pill, expecting to offer Him something that He will eventually be impressed by because of our pious acknowledgement of what we “owe” Him. My friends and fellow rebels, this will NEVER result in His pleasure. The awfulness that we attempt to swallow and ignore will only eat us alive from the inside, out. We will always fail and lack for holiness because it is not something we can “drudge up” within ourselves. Upon the many hours of reading, Bible study and prayer, the danger is walking away feeling more worthy of the God we are serving and being better for. We accomplish the “things to do for Jesus” and we never actually encounter the acceptance that He so desperately wants us to drink from.
The redemption of this inner controversy lies in the truth that the only thing that will change us is living a life, moment by moment, in the reality that we are accepted (God’s grace). This requires a great deal of humility, because we have to actually own that we possess the awfulness. We have it. We ARE it. This makes us squirm, because it takes away all the control that we unrightfully already assume is ours. But taking this ownership of “the awful” and laying it at the foot of the cross is relinquishing control to the only one that can free us from our very selves. It also takes us out of the realm of fear and into the realm of freedom which our souls desperately long for. We thirst for the liberation that only the Spirit can bring (II Cor. 3:17).
“We too came to believe in Christ Jesus so as to be reckoned as upright by faith in Christ and not by practicing the Law: since no human being can be found upright by keeping the Law” (Gal.2:16) “Now it is obvious that nobody is reckoned as upright in God’s sight by the Law, since the upright will live through faith (3:10-11). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law by being cursed for our sake” (3:13).
Let your service and devotion to Him flow from this place. It is a much grander place to live and serve from. A quote from one of my favorite books, (Truefaced) goes like this:
by Bren Warner